everyone keeps asking me if im alright. do i look alright? do i look normal? do i look like myself? i dont think so. im not alright. the reason being that i've been living with this one girl for almost a year. we were almost living as if we were married. where ever we went, we went together. where ever we ate, we ate together. until she got bored of me.
having this distance feeling just makes me mad in the head. one day your sleeping in the same bed, the next thing you know, your replaced with another man with a snap of the fingers. i mean, im so used to everything back then and a sudden change of environment just destroys me. the lack of love given also effects it.
i guess it just takes time to get over such things. to regain back my normal life. live life without ever thinking about her anymore. whats the use of thinking about her? it just brings back sad memories. you know, even though i knew she had a past of cheating, i still dated her, i still wanted her, i wanted her to change for her own benefit and yet, i proved myself wrong. old habits doesnt die that easily. they just come back when someone triggers it. i guess i wasnt good enough for her. oh well. life goes on right?
its weird i even woke up for class this morning. i barely slept. i only had like 1-2 hours of sleep. yesterday was really intense. i couldnt sleep. i couldnt even think straight. i burst. shattered up into tiny pieces.
mums sending me for counseling. i guess thats what i need. to get my head straight. maybe i just need to go to a rehabilitation centre and get some meds to cure this stupid sickness i have. probably just put me in a coma or something. other than that, im still going for counseling, like it or not.
i just wished i could have handled situations better. but wishes are only words. i remember making a wish on my 18th and 19th birthday. none came true. i really thought that it WAS coming true, but i guess i was wrong yet again.
i can never be in the correct path, always the wrong one. why? thats what i ask myself every night.
rick.
this is what i do to myself mum. maybe this is why i need counseling.
having this distance feeling just makes me mad in the head. one day your sleeping in the same bed, the next thing you know, your replaced with another man with a snap of the fingers. i mean, im so used to everything back then and a sudden change of environment just destroys me. the lack of love given also effects it.
i guess it just takes time to get over such things. to regain back my normal life. live life without ever thinking about her anymore. whats the use of thinking about her? it just brings back sad memories. you know, even though i knew she had a past of cheating, i still dated her, i still wanted her, i wanted her to change for her own benefit and yet, i proved myself wrong. old habits doesnt die that easily. they just come back when someone triggers it. i guess i wasnt good enough for her. oh well. life goes on right?
its weird i even woke up for class this morning. i barely slept. i only had like 1-2 hours of sleep. yesterday was really intense. i couldnt sleep. i couldnt even think straight. i burst. shattered up into tiny pieces.
mums sending me for counseling. i guess thats what i need. to get my head straight. maybe i just need to go to a rehabilitation centre and get some meds to cure this stupid sickness i have. probably just put me in a coma or something. other than that, im still going for counseling, like it or not.
i just wished i could have handled situations better. but wishes are only words. i remember making a wish on my 18th and 19th birthday. none came true. i really thought that it WAS coming true, but i guess i was wrong yet again.
i can never be in the correct path, always the wrong one. why? thats what i ask myself every night.
rick.
this is what i do to myself mum. maybe this is why i need counseling.
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